Monday, September 05 2016
Russell, a.k.a The Ostomistic Husband, has a second blog post or an open letter that he wanted to share with you.
While you might have only said this to us once or twice, and you might not mean anything more than just a compliment, but you are more than likely not the first person that has made that comment to us today. Everyday we are faced with these comments and it is making Russ rather upset as he wonders what do people actually expect of him.
And worst, is that this is how society expects men to behave, that they can't commit and that they won't stick around when shit gets real. Russ is a modern man, and a man true to his word.
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My open letter to those who continually say "you're a good guy for sticking around" or those who continually say to Talya, “Russell is a good bloke for sticking with you through all this…”, I have the following to state:
I’m not sure how often you’ve heard that little gem, but I’d really like to open people’s eyes to how I feel when they say it without obviously thinking it through.
I’ve been with Talya for 7 years now, and she’s progressed through varying stages of unwell since I first met her; I proposed to her in her hospital bed while recovering from brain surgery (with a golden staph infection on her brain) for Christ’s sake.
I know I’m not going anywhere.
The thought that I could leave only occurs to me when you tell me I’m good for not leaving. Talya knows I’m not going anywhere (I tell her often enough), but she starts to wonder when she keeps hearing, “Russ is good for sticking around” which her inner voice relays as, “I’m a massive burden so why should Russ want to stay?”
Why would I want to give up on that just because Talya can’t go for a walk with me? We have access to a wheelchair now so we can still wander through the botanical gardens.
Why would I leave just because she can’t cook or clean? What is this, the 1950’s? Those are basic life skills everyone should learn, man or woman.
Why would I deny myself the true pleasure of simply seeing her smile when I come home from work? That is the highlight of my day. Every day.
We are only as good as our word. I gave her mine, she gave me her heart.
And you’re right, I am a good bloke......
Because I met her!
About the Author:
Russell, a husband in his mid 30's, is a computer salesman by day and a unicorn husband by night*. He enjoys long walks on the beach, playing Pokemon Go, he loves lamp, and he loves all things nerdy! He hopes through his writing and sharing of his experiences of having a young and terminally ill wife, might help other men to understand what not to say (to avoid getting yelled at) or how they can better support their loved one. If you want to connect with Russ (or send him topics/questions or areas of concern you have) send him an email via russell @ feelingostomistic.com.au. Russ really loves his wife and wants her to enjoy what remanining time she has, so he has asked for help to build her a garden escape and needs your help ---> click here to read more about the why behind the garden.
*He is the sort of husband that everyone wishes were real, but doesn't believe actually exists.
I ask (if you feel inclined to) that if my blog or my writing has helped you or made a difference in your life, please consider treating me to lunch or a mango smoothie by clicking through to my paypal.me account.
I am mostly housebound so being able to go out for a nice treat would really help make my day that little bit brighter. Would also help me to feel appreciated too.
Reading this, Russ, made me teary. Talya is a beautiful soul, and through my short time with her, I can see why you`d love her as you do. People mean to be kind, but perhaps a little filtering prior to expressing their words might be a really good thing! I`ve not met you, but Talya`s obvious love for you indicates that you`re a pretty special man, and so yes, what on earth DID people expect of you??? Good grief!!
Posted by JENNIFER SIMPSON on 06/09/2016 - 08:16 AM
Good on you Russ Yes its a hard road that not many Couples have o go down, to bad there are not many more men like you. You are a true champion.
Posted by Heather G on 06/09/2016 - 09:38 AM
My husband is the greatest blessing I have as I continue to travel the road of FAP. Due to osteo-arthritis I can't change my bag or check the health of my stoma and we don't have any medical help out here in the bush, so he does every change for me and cleans me up when we have a breakdown and he makes me laugh when I want to give up and end it all. He has been caring for me for 30+ years now and wants me to live a lot longer for he loves and cares and also said in sickness and in health too.
Posted by Cecily Brenton on 12/09/2018 - 10:22 AM