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Feeling Ostomistic
Saturday, November 11 2017

Sometimes we think that society has advanced, but then there are times that remind you that the world around us is a cruel, judgemental place filled with so much hate and anger.

I think it is time that people stopped shaming people with disabilities, especially those with "invisible" disabilities. Unfortunately not all disabilities are visible and we should be open minded and not fast to judge and be cruel.

I saw several posts online today about how a young student had flyers and posters stuck all over her car calling her lazy for parking in a disabled parking space, or that she isn't actually disabled.

This girl is undergoing treatment for cancer including radiation, but these vigilantes shamed her and made her feel guilty about her situation.

As a young female who has cancer, I know how hard it were having chemotherapy and struggling with energy to go to the shops and do mundane things like going to the bathroom. 

Due to my tumours, one is the size of a watermelon and is attached to my stomach, small bowel, both kidneys, my ribs, my liver and presses on my back, and also compresses the nerves and blood supply to my stomach, bowel and my legs too.

I have a disabled parking permit because I am unable to walk more than a few metres at the time before needing to sit and rest as the pain is too much and the pressure along with the numb legs isn't pleasant.

So I have a wheelchair and I am not ashamed of it.

My wheelchair has given my life and ability to enjoy and love life back.

But people, even family, recently said that they thought I had a wheelchair because I am lazy.

Yes I am overweight, but that isn't why I need a wheelchair.

I need a wheelchair because I have a watermelon fucking sized tumour slowly killing me through strangulation.

But hey I am just lazy arent I?

I know this issue of disability shaming is happening all too often, just people think they see something they need to be somewhat of a hero and stand up for "what's right", which they feel is belittling someone to feel less than about having a disability because it isn't a perceived acceptable disability.

But not all disabilities are visible.

AND a disability isn't just someone using a wheelchair.

If you look up the term of disability it is: a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities. It doesn't say it is limiting to those in a wheelchair.

You don't know what is going on inside another person's body, you don't know the struggles that person is facing, you don't know the shit they have had to put up with that day already due to their disability.

So before you think you HAVE to say something, remember the acronym THINK:
T - Is it true?
H - Is it hurtful?
I - Is it inspiring?
N - Is it Necessary?
K - Is it Kind?

It might feel like your responsibility to call out every person you think is abusing the system, I get it, but while it helps you and your ego to feel better, you are destroying someone else's life just to make yourself feel better. Probably think you're helping to defend people, but you are just making people with an invisible disability to shy back further into their corner feeling shame for not being as able bodied as you.

In your actions just stop and think.... is this necessary? What will it achieve?

But you want to know what my doctor says to me everytime I break down crying in his office over someone disability shaming me?

He says: "Talya, if I didn't think you deserved it I wouldn't have signed off on it.... fuck the haters", so you can see why I love my GP so much as he has my back. A doctor wouldn't just hand out a permit if you didn't deserve it.

Yes, there are people who abuse the system, but it isn't your place to think you are calling someone out.

One incident last year: Russ and I were in the car and parking in the CBD, some lady stopped and argued with us for 20 minutes over if we could park there all because my husband had P plates on his car she wouldn't believe that the permit was ours because we were young. Young people have disabilities too and they come in all shapes and sizes. 

Next time you want to shame someone, stop and think first.

If you feel you MUST do something to make yourself feel better, go and donate to charity or do something selfless for someone else. Making others feel good is a much better feeling than making yourself feel good for putting someone down.

There is so much anger and pain in the world already, let's not add to it hey.... be more kind to others.

The world needs more love and they say if we want to create change to start at home first.

Posted by: Talya AT 07:20 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
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Talya Goding - Feeling Ostomistic   talya@feelingostomistic.com.au  |  0447 426 860

Thank you for stopping by Feeling Ostomistic. It has taken a lot of courage to share my story and I ask that you show me and my site/blog respect and courtesy. Views expressed in this blog are my own and I am not a nurse or a doctor. If you need medical advice please seek your medical practitioner.

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